March 21, 2018

Set the timer for ten minutes and start spillin'.

It's tough when my schedule gets interrupted in the morning by working out. Do I need to wake up even earlier? Is it what I really want to do? To ignore any chance for weekday fun after work because I have a plan to always get home and always go to bed early and always sleep perfectly and always wake up ready for the day? These questions seem unfair. 

What's a more productive question? How can I feel accomplished writing every day? Do I need all the things to run smoothly? No. Especially because the more I think of ideas, the foggier and busier it gets. 

What are my ideas for writing more consistently? Besides writing? Yes. Well, shit. Well, reading the news and writing index cards. Writing index cards with ideas and quotes too. Fuck, listening to podcasts. Reading books too. YouTube videos. Culture all around. Morning pages are helpful for dumps like this. So the problem, as it often is, is indecision. 

Why can't I decide? Cause there is no formula for whatever it is you're trying to do. Oh, I like that - talk in second(?), third(?) person more. 

Talk like a benevolent but stern best friend. 

You need to write. That's first and foremost. What did Seth Godin say? No one has writer's block. Plus, the more you write, even like this, the better the audience and pool and possibility. And opportunity? Sure.

Gather up sources if you want but don't let it overshadow the writing. You need to do the writing. Build if you need to build. 

But at least publish something, one thing, every week. There are only 52 every year. That's not enough. Seth Godin has 7,000. Granted, he is a machine. But he started somewhere too. I don't go back and read his worst shit. I'm in the now. Because one thing hit me first. And I don't even remember that either!

No one is following your story as closely as you are. Unless you're famous and did something bad. Then, and maybe only then, are you fucked.

I keep thinking back to Theo Von. He was fucking hilarious on What's Happening or whatever it's called. This is not happening.

I like his style and I wish I could write more like that. Of course, I'm not from the South but it's possible. Parts. And I could write about why I like him too.

Start to think in the long tail. What can people resonate with? What can people enjoy or share? Theo Von. Sure.

Or Derek Sivers. People other people don't know work.

Maybe I need to start publishing and adding and editing my rules. Things I've learned while I start publishing constantly.

Damn now what? I checked the phone and my writing string fell off. 

Ugh, the problem is deciding what to write. But I think that's Resistance too. Just decide and conquer. That might even be the first rule.

It doesn't have to be something I read from that week.

I need a public daily diary. Something just to start formulating ideas.

And go back to? Can't I do that here? Write like a demon.

I think the idea of sitting down to write is that you write full sentences that people could read if you had to publish it right now, from your brain to the computer.


I like the style when I'm writing but it needs editing. That's almost my favorite part. Actually, both are great. Like this, right now, I know it's not important. Shit. Maybe I don't need to write every thought but that's me resisting, internalizing, and slowing shit down.

Write a few lines every time you have a thought, or

write every single thought to keep the train going?

I think the problem with the train is you don't go far from yourself when thinking. It's all I and me. BUT I might need to train myself. And sit down here and ramble out my thoughts to remember what I read for the day and then riff off that. Then you're off to the races. And, well, shit, it's how I imagine watching Hunter Thompson would be like. Or at least that's how they dramatized his inner monologue. I find it funny. Maybe that would be my style. But shit people would get sick of that if it's not integral to the story. But maybe it can be. Make my daily diary a bit more public and people would enjoy my wondering out loud. Hmmm.

Let's try with the science article from this morning. Or last morning.

In 2018, it's still unclear if adult human beings create new neurons.

It's been a century-long debate. Scientists can't agree and nail down a definitive method of investigation. They're like existential detectives. I'd like to be one, but without all those beakers and measurements.

The most recent development of the debate is a new study that looked inside a bunch of human brains and didn't find any new neurons. That's the problem.

If the story right now is about new neurons, how should I frame it for future, better blog posts?
Is it meant to shoot me laterally to another similar subject or deeper into this subject?
I don’t find myself sticking with one thing like the brain, so let’s wander around this subject to pull out something of interest I could hunt down. Or a theme to overarch this story and others.

I would really like to be the guy that gets high and writes every night. This is nice. Well, maybe, because I’m high. But shit I’m finding the rhythm to get back to writing. I feel a bit myself right now. Introspective and having fun losing myself in something instead of making it a chore to finish before everything else. I don’t like the professional journalist idea of words per minute and what not. It’s good to get fast but not the big idea. It’s poetic wandering. Shit, I think I just worry about losing good stuff to my memory. I need to write and take notes and fear reviewing or losing or whatever. But it’s all right now isn’t it? 

My ramblings might sound a bit insane if read aloud. But I’d imagine that’s everyone’s internal monologue right?

I’m writing to explore, so why not get messy with it? With the daily diary?

Let’s get back to the science article. 

What if the daily diary was this rambling? Unedited? Then I can return the next day or week later and review? I could do it without anyone seeing.

The idea that people won’t read this is resistance too. 

It’s an exercise in me finding more solid topics to write about.

I like the breeze coming through the window so much I open the windows during snowstorms. Something about the wind makes it feel like it’s more alive. Even if it’s cold and dropping snowflakes on my floor.

Maybe start with a topic or an article like the new neuron story and then try to make a point while rambling?

Well shit, all of that past morning and all of tonight would be dropped in. Or should I do some light editing? I don’t know if any edit is good. The idea is to clarify my thinking so I like the idea of writing my digressions because it is unedited but I’m still typing away and hopefully making sense. 

That would be funny too - when I have run-on sentences and I’m not sure what to make of them. 

And how about setting a time limit for these daily diary posts? Might be for the best considering the size of these things and I’m on #1. Ugh and I don’t like that I’ll be posting this one. But oh well, you need to start somewhere and if there is any theme in this first article (of which I’m now semi-self-referential about), it’s that it is a work in progress and I need to start and, most importantly, I’m actively fighting the thing Steven Pressfield calls Resistance. Publish. You can do it.

Am I going to make this one particularly long because I don’t know where to stop if I’m just writing what I’m thinking about anything and everything and right now? Just so I can flow?

The best idea would be to put a bow on the idea of adult human beings not making new neurons. What’s the big idea here? For you? For me? The idea is we don’t know what happens in the meatloaf making these words on the screen. I’m typing away because my brain controls my fingers but I think if this experiment works out, we will see that the brain does way more confusing things than we can understand. Then our brains can understand. FUCK!

That’s a good place to end.

Until tomorrow…

What I don’t like leaving alone is I came up with this idea and too quickly abandoned really thinking deep enough about the brain story. I’m going to return. I want more out of this. Especially when I have time.

Now what? My brain can’t focus on the brain story. 

What I originally thought was funny was thinking about how scientists can’t even agree on things. You’d think the whole field made of facts and a rigorous process to find them would be somewhat definitive, but, nope. They still have fights like brothers on bunk beds. 

And what does it mean if we don’t create new neurons as adults? If they figure this out in another hundred years, right, it’s going to be that adults make them or not. And then what? Then the scientists need to prove their purpose. And then their purpose will unlock a million other cellular doorways. The search continues!

I suppose the distractions are annoying but that’s the idea behind editing. And reading. And using words to meditate. All these public posts might not be meant to be read. I never told you to do it but I figured I’d throw it out there as an experiment. Let’s see how this feels tomorrow morning when I read it.

Oh that’s the other part to decide. When and where to review? But I should do that beyond this post cause you don’t need to read all my inner thoughts. Do you? Get out of my head!

It’s funny to me now but this could get really annoying. Like these run-on thoughts expressed as sentences. Is this helping anyone besides me? Maybe not. But it’s not meant to. I told you not to read this!

It’s a bit like lifting weights. I imagine it’s a muscle to train.

Maybe I can reflect on the day and the article before publishing. Make it a nightly ritual? The problem would be life getting in the way. I want to be flexible at nights. 

Okay, this is getting out of hand. I’m going to end it here, so I can keep thinking without writing. Even thought that’s going to be the future point of this whole experiment. 

Until next time.