I Don't Go to Sleep to Dream

Uprooting my life to California definitely changed my mind. Not on a particular decision, it was a full-tilt shift. I had to start just about from scratch, finding new friends and food, understanding the weather, and remembering what I came out here to do. Even if I wasn't sure in the first place.

I've learned there is no perfect place. Only your mind makes it so.

And I've been having trouble with mine. 

If only you could party in the heart of Manhattan and take a taxi to the quiet of a Midwest farm or a desert in Arizona, I thought!

The challenge is slowing down to notice the voices in our head. We all have them. And they want more better now.

Dream Leaf feeds into that need. The company claims to offer a supplement to strengthen the activation and recall of lucid dreams. Abigail Moss wrote about the supplement for Vice. She came to the quick and simple conclusion that taking a pill to alter your brain chemistry is just a sad, general shortcut. The pill tries to hack the most complex network known to man. You can't blame them for trying.

What works is practice. But people don't want to be alone with their minds. Meditation might be a thing in Silicon Valley but it's not exactly "taking off".

The irony is that your mind can deliver so much more than the worst. Instead of talking shit to yourself, you could be dreaming about flying so vividly you think it's real. And can you argue it's not?

I'm guilty of listening to the voices too. My mind can quickly catastrophize my life. Without a better job than the East Coast one I left, I start to assume I'll never find a better one again. I'll be working in retail until a horrible stomach pain turns out to require gall bladder surgery. Medical debt will pile on top of college debt, and I'll end up being a money-suck for the people I love. Until I die. Quickly.

Fuck that. The reality is I took a chance to wake up on a new side of the world. It's not perfect but I'm working to make my mind make it so.