Last time I checked, death is the end for all of us. You'd think the thing that would take you out in 2018 wouldn't be fuckin lettuce. Or spinach. Or really any vegetable. Samurais and soldiers died with honor. Now we're all in danger of enjoying a sandwich.

The CDC issues an outbreak alert today. They tweeted: "Do not eat any romaine lettuce, including whole heads and hearts, chopped, organic and salad mixes with romaine until we learn more. If you don’t know if it’s romaine or can’t confirm the source, don’t eat it."

Why? Wired reports that it's most likely the water. Again, the thing keeping us all alive and healthy could be just the place for horrible diseases to float around. It's almost poetic.

But in 2018, the modern world that can offer free flu shots and argue over vaccines for babies, juggle food waste and growing obesity, and jail people for plants and pay to prescribe addictive painkillers, what else can we expect?