Why not just enjoy it?

It's been some time since I've been excited about something besides big life changes. I moved, I got a raise, I spent holidays with friends and family. But lately I've tried to look closer at the seams. It hit me hard this past week when I was searching through old bookmarked websites on my computer. I found a surrealist webcomic of stick figure conversation called Choices. An existential exploration on how to live, the comic explained exactly what I needed to hear: "You're curious and smart and bored, and all you see is the choice between working hard and slacking off. There are so many adventures that you miss because you're waiting to think of a plan. To find them, look for tiny interesting choices. And remember you're always making up the future as you go." (See it here.)

And if you're reading this, I think you're curious and smart and bored too. No, it's not just because you're reading my writing, it's that I like to keep that kind of company around me and I think we gravitate to what we appreciate. All we're doing is something we've all done naturally for centuries, hope for an answer that won't necessarily come anytime soon.

So for the time being, my choice is to sit here, hitting some keys in the air-conditioning before going to a movie recommended to snap me out of not thinking of a plan: Frances Ha. Wikipedia gave me a perfectly succinct description of what to expect: "Frances Handley is a 27-year-old dancer who lives with her best friend Sophie, but Sophie decides to move out and live with another friend, leaving Frances to figure out how to live her life."

It's time to take the opportunities as they come to us and not be ashamed. We may have debt and responsibilities and endless amounts of questions as we become more and more "adult" but no one wants it to end. We just keep going and make it up as we flow.

Author Christopher Hitchens made a good point when faced with writing through his life-crippling illness: "You don’t really care about public opinion now, you don’t mind about sales, you don’t care what the critics say. You don’t even care what your friends, your peers, your beloved think. You’re free. Death is a very liberating thought."

Give up the fear of being vulnerable. You will be. Life is scary for plenty of reasons, we just have to make sure they're the right ones. Be afraid of not being yourself and not enjoying life. Be afraid of loving others more than yourself. Be afraid that one day you could wake up and realize it's close to over. And then take all that fear and do something about it.

I'm afraid of holding too closely this need to be more than myself. I'm going to enjoy as many movies as I can this summer. Hit the beach, play some frisbee. Eat ice cream. Stay up late, chatting about dreams and favorite movies, with too much beer and too much smoke and too much laughter. And I'm going to Japan in October. Just cause.

Don't let anyone take away the good things in your life, not even yourself.

Until next time...

I explode into space.

-dan

Dear Readers,

The secret formula to blogging, some say, is teaching the world about your obsessions. Whether it is makeup tips, dessert recipes, book recommendations, life-hacks, or gadget reviews, we're helping each other out and feeding our addictive curiosity for slivers of life. When it comes down to an obsession of mine to share, though, the more I dream, the longer the list grows. It's not that I've been diagnosed with any kind of attention disorder or that I'm just so damn good at mastering things, I'm just afraid to commit. If the world has so much to offer, why focus?

What I'm left with, writing each week and striving for more, is a tornado of indecision. And I'm not alone. Psychologist and author Barry Schwartz wrapped my mind around this concept when I first heard his theories on the Choice episode of WNYC's Radiolab (still my all-time favorite). Schwartz wrote The Paradox of Choice, insisting on the dogmatic belief that the idea that endless choice will bring us freedom and happiness is bullshit.

Ok, let's cram this paradox theory. The thought is that the abundance of choice my generation has been able to celebrate has also dropped two very negative consequences on us: paralysis and regret. Choice paralysis is the anxiety of choosing from too many flavors, too many movies, too many potential romantic partners. With too many choices and too many factors to play the Pro/Con game, we're physically pained to decide. Heaven forbid you get past that enormous series of hurdles, you're left with regret. You can easily imagine the possibilities of the alternatives because they are no longer within your grasp. It's the equivalent of the thought that the grass is greener on the other side, except we just had the chance to walk on it and now there is a gate, a lock, and a big, mean, scary dog keeping you in your yard. And you can't help but dream how great that green grass must be.

For years I've been trying to find a theme both specific and broad enough to encompass my obsessions, of which are endless, and grab a specific slice of people. And all along the great burden of deciding held me back from putting my foot down. I've been afraid of the vulnerable commitment it is to start a blog. Paralysis and regret. As ridiculous as it may seem, I'm certain I'm not alone. Some of the greatest and most challenging accomplishments we all want to achieve start with that first step and we fail to take it because it doesn't feel perfect, because there are so many paths, because there is always tomorrow. Makes you wonder how long Neil Armstrong hesitated before he touched base with the moon.

Slowly, the vision is coming into focus, though. The beauty is the irony in this case. How I can help, I've asked myself. I'm starting to think my battle with choice holds the key. What does that mean? If I'm not alone, I know we all have struggles taking that first leap of faith. Where I found weakness in settling on a focus to my writing, I now am finding strength in knowing that expanding my range for curiosity and existing with that indecision is something to share. I want to collect stories and methods for getting past this struggle and finding the confidence to say that a decision is better than none.

And still some voice somewhere deep inside me shouts, "Fraud!" Some circuit in that computer on my shoulders stalls me and warns me that I have no right to do any of this. Leave it to the experts, it says. But who the fuck is an expert? Is there some sorcerer out there that has conquered the dilemma of choice once and for all?

Where others are qualified by their remarkable life stories, I'm an expert in being me - an overthinking dreamer with the audacity to claw after greatness.

It is my life story and I'm sure it could be yours too. We're all completely capable of choosing our own adventure and we're afraid. And I think that's ok, as long as we keep fighting. If it at all sounds enticing to you, I'm here to help.

Until next time...

I explode into space.

-dan