Remember the Alamo - #72

Dear Readers,

Motion City Soundtrack sang best into my high-school ears with their song "The Future Freaks Me Out".

There is a compelling train of thought that every second we crawl closer toward it, the future is in our decisions. The advice of any personal development coach would be to believe it and you can become it. Hell, the idea of visualizing the future is the reason we have all this amazing stuff around us. But there is a sliver of this belief that becomes a bit too controlling, too convenient and too freaky. There is no guarantee that any single human can predict the future. Not one psychic, not one dreamer.

It can be a bit hard to swallow. We conveniently forget that no matter our goals or whenever or not they're achieved, the future will arrive in its own style. British writer Stephen Fry challenged me with a video entitled What I Wish I'd Known When I Was 18 when he said, "The worst thing you can ever do in life is set yourself goals." The idea behind this is either you melt into failure for an untold number of reasons or you achieve goals without satisfaction or reflection, marching onto the next. 

The danger is looking to the future for an end. Even if you conquered the world, you would still need to keep it. And then conquer breakfast. 

I'm currently halfway through Tony Robbins' 30-Day Personal Power II CD set (whew, what a title!). Goal-setting has become a much more potential reality if only because it is transforming who I am daily. While I'm currently all about the Brooklyn apartment with a balcony, Honda cruiser motorcycle, and a debt-free blogging career, it is much more about the personal transformation I need to acquire these goals. How do I know I want all that in the future? I don't. And you don't know either. For all we can guess, we may not want the trophy at the end of the race, but we can always say we ran it. 

It's the kind of present thought that had me smiling and without regret after getting a knee planted on my neck during my last jiu-jitsu tournament. (After the tournament, I was smiling, not during the chokehold. I'm not that masochistic.) If anything, it sculpted my ambition, my body, and my identity even better to throw caution to the wind and fight. 

If the future can't be predicted and we're moving toward it, whether we like it or not, the most logical thing I think we can do is build today for tomorrow. Dreaming too wild can be like fishing with grenades. There is an acknowledgement that we are not in a place we want to be and often our deepest flaws are revealed as holding us back. Hurting yourself to be someone else is the most masochistic. There is some pleasure in there but mostly you're left with scars at square one.

Ira Glass, host of NPR's This American Life, exhibits this clearly in an old interview he did for CurrentTV when he defines taste as the barometer for creative people. Your taste is the reason you want to create something of your own and it is the reason you know your own stuff is not that good when you begin. It is nothing like the pros, the experts, the famous. The success comes with the goal and fulfillment of bridging that gap and realizing your taste is on the same level with your work. This, Glass said, is what he wished someone would have told him when he was starting in broadcasting.

The simple truth is the present is all we have. You can argue the past makes us better today, you can argue that humans are uniquely capable of striving to their futures. What remains is that two very successful storytellers and thinkers, Stephen Fry and Ira Glass, used the present to throwback lessons to their teenage years. Whether you have goals or not, young or old, we're here to do stuff and sometimes it hurts to know we don't know everything. In the end, Steven Johnson may have exhibited best with this idea: "'The adjacent possible is a shadow future, a map of all the ways the present can re-invent itself".

The future is now. Make it happen, as best you can.

Until next time...

I explode into space.

-dan

To Be or Not to Be is a Bad Question - #71

Dear Readers,

It happens to me pretty regularly when I wake up bright and early on my day off from work. Without enough plans, I ask myself what to do and, quickly, the list flies off the handle. Twenty-four hours are never enough to cram this incredible amount of activities into all of them. Normally, I end up running thankless, forgettable errands, carving away a bit more at my jiu-jitsu game, and visiting my friends halfway down the state. It's still great although it seems there could be so much more to the day.

"What to do?" is not specific and not helpful. Asking the big question of what to do is easy to answer with plain old stuff to pass the time. You can keep yourself dusting the whole damn house to answer that busywork question. What I find more appealing and fulfilling is a practice I re-discovered trying to slug through Tony Robbins' Personal Power II CD series again: Ask Better Quality Questions.

Whether we notice it or not, our brains are exploding with questions from the time we jump out of bed. Trouble can always begin here. Ask yourself the wrong question and you'll get an answer. Ask your brain why your day sucks and it finds an answer. Ask your brain why you feel awesome and it finds an answer. The truth of the conclusion doesn't matter nearly as much as what state your mind and body are left to survive in.

Turning the gun on myself, I realized just asking about activities was not going to cut it. I decided to ask a better quality question for my day off: "What can I do today to pull my dreams closer to the present?" Now, the scope narrows its focus. My dream is to make a living off my ideas. Dusting is not going to do it. Writing? Possibly. Better question, better answer. 

Too often life feels like a failed experiment. We can remind ourselves that mistakes are to be made but sometimes it doesn't always feel so great. Whether we are measuring ourselves against celebrities without mortgages or desk-jobs, or we're unable to manage our time to sleep, exercise, and eat properly in the span of a day, why not take a moment to really appreciate what is a success in your life right now? Don't bullshit yourself, there is plenty to be happy about in this life, right now. I'm not talking your favorite television show or after-dinner dessert. I want to know what in your life lifts you up. Are you learning to cook? Are you getting better at your Zumba routine? Are you soaking up the Spring weather? Are you a kick-ass friend, or sibling, or significant other?

Often questions like this end in The Happiness Trap. Pardon the heresy. After doing my daily exercises with Tony Robbins, I've been devouring Daniel Gilbert's skeptical and inquisitive Stumbling on Happiness. The more pages I turn, the less certain I am that I know what happiness is in this life. And, you know what? It's cool. Side-step the question of happiness, it's too subjective. Tim Ferriss may have made it clear to me, albeit temporarily, a long time ago, when in The Four-Hour Work Week he said, "Happiness can be bought with a bottle of wine and has become ambiguous through overuse."

The idea is perspective and you can have it, like Journey sang, any way you want it. Sharpen your questions and answer them with everything you have. Let the sparks fly!

Until next time...
I explode into space.
-dan

Explode into Space #66 - The Treasure & Trouble of Owning Your Story

Dear Readers,

Like the hard-boiled detective dodging tricky dames and whizzing bullets or the sci-fi hero traveling to the ends of the galaxy to roll out justice, we're all searching for our story while we're creating it. We are the stories we tell ourselves and others. You can't deny that everyone loves a good story, it almost seems within our nature. As Jason Silva quotes Douglas Hofstadter in his latest video The Mirroring Mind, we are "miracles of self-reference". 

Stories keep us equal-parts sane, providing structure and context, and advancing forward to The Next Best Thing. Would we aspire to anything if we didn't first see those achieve it before us? Would Tyson have been anything without the existence of Ali? Would Louis CK exist without George Carlin? Would any astronaut ever exist without Neil Armstrong? We adopt stories and tweak them as our own, pushing the corners of possibility.

The trouble comes when real life is not the fantasy we constantly imagine. Life coach Tony Robbins put it this way in a video entitled Create a New Story: "We live in a culture in the West that teaches people that you're not enough unless you're doing something really special and unique and we define special and unique in interesting ways." We can't all be rock stars and supermodels, just by telling ourselves it can happen overnight. Dreams only work if you do. Nothing new, right? We fall into it anyway. Personally, I've always had this blueprint of independent wealth and success at a young age. Lord knows I've tried with random adventures and they failed for whatever was a number of reasons. The trouble that keeps me up at night is finding the way to push myself, my stubborn, comfortable self, up a hill, in the snow, both ways, to realizing I am my dreams. Life can feel so inauthentic until you're happy every day giving everything you can to become the person you want to be.


On the flip side you have to imagine that Life can throw a curveball. You can get hit by a meteor, slammed by a drunk driver, or diagnosed with cancer. The pain you experience, besides physical, is learning that this is now part of you, no matter what you do. I'm not a big comic guy, but if I remember correctly that's how most superheroes begin their transformation, with bitter rejection and delusion of their great responsibility. There is the beauty. You have to own your handicaps as quickly as your strengths, and write your story like no one else. Sure, it's not always cut and dry, clean and simple. Sometimes, we need to go outside ourselves to understand the story. Psychotherapist Philippa Perry delivers a gut-check with this warning: "We need to look at the repetitions in the stories we tell ourselves [and] at the process of the stories rather than merely their surface content. Then we can begin to experiment with changing the filter through which we look at the world, start to edit the story and thus regain flexibility where we have been getting stuck." 

The road to being extraordinary is paved with more than your normal stories. When someone asks what's up, is there really nothing to offer? When someone says FML, are they not just noticing the negative aspects of life? And while Emerson and Dr. Schuller and Napoleon Hill all had the idea that you are what you think about all day, I think it's more than that. You are everything you breathe in. You are the thoughts you think and the actions you take, and the story your thoughts and actions unfold. And as Joe Rogan notes, "You have to be the hero of your own story." 

What is your story? What is that fantasy in your head that's just not coming true? Can you change it or can you change yourself? There is no other way. Think about it.

Until next time...
I explode into space.

-dan