It's been a weird year for us all. I'm happy to report, though, that there is some satisfaction in finishing my 33rd trip around the big burning ball in the center of our universe.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings' end, so now I find myself back at the start with renewed energy.
You could chalk this, and so much more, up to the Zeigarnik Effect - a psychological phenomenon that explains how unfinished tasks are harder to forget. If we open the loop, we want to make sure we close it. It's the reason we're drawn to cliff-hangers, clickbait, and that thing you can't remember that you need to do and the gnawing sensation that you'll never figure it out. YouTuber Will Schoder described the Zeigarnik Effect as a "desire for cognitive closure".
It's pretty simple - finish what you start. Stomp the small fires. Clear your mind.
Some loops close themselves, like another year alive and well. But others are not so simple. If the Zeigarnik Effect explains why we do what we do, no wonder we're equal parts stupefied and fascinated by the ultimate mystery of all - consciousness. Without a shred of evidence to confidently close this loop, we're left to answer it for ourselves.
We connect the dots and make up stories. That's all it is. And whether we're right or wrong, it's so easy to forget. Maybe by design. Joe Rogan explained it best in one of his earlier comedy specials and I've never been able to shake it - "You know as much as anyone about what life is all about as anybody whose ever lived ever."
I've been realizing lately how much my mind tells me I'm doing it all "wrong". I punish myself with how I might fall short - not reading enough, writing enough, lifting enough, or dating enough. But if no one can confidently say why we're here, who says I'm doing it all wrong too? Why not change the story so it works for me?
Because as philosopher Alan Watts said, "Making plans for the future is of use only to people who are capable of living completely in the present."
And right now I'm 34 and still happy to keep trying to figure it out.
One day, we'll get there.